Editor

Why am I a natural born editor, yet my stories stink?

My friend setos girlfriend on mediaminer.org (seto'sgirlfriend on fanfiction.ner) is posting her first fic ever and I decided to help her out. The first chapter is up, but the story is hidden so don't go looking for it. She sucks at quotations. Hi Seto said. Is one of the things that I have to deal with.

Unfortunately, only I have a computer and the story is on said computer. Luckily, she lives near a library and can email me the chapters. I get the honor of posting for her, unless she is at my house, then she can post it herself.

I'm basically making this story mine. I'll just say that I cowrote it.^_^ I have added so many sentences to that thing, so that it isn't just dialouge.

I think she needs help with the lime. I could help her. HA! Yeah, right. Mine sucks. Being descriptive sucks. Using synonyms and similes and metaphors and analogies sucks. So does not breathing while typing that long (not really) sentence with no commas.

You also have to picture the way the character would say it to keep it in character. That is hard. Seto Kaiba does not say "Hi". He says "What do you want, mutt? You're blocking my light." Joey would not reply "Sure thing, Seto-chan!" Instead of saying that incredibly stupid not-like-Jou-at-all sentence, he would say angrily "Shove off, moneybags. You don't own this country" or something along those lines. Notice that I used the word angrily. It made you see that Joey was fed up with Kaiba's crap and was ready to get into a fight if provoked.

Also, you don't need to have 'Seto said' by everything that he said. It becomes old really quick and annoying if he is only talking to one other person. Like Joey for instance.

"Why should I, mutt? So you can bask all day in the sun like the dog you are?" Seto said, smirking.

"You wanna get into a fight or something? 'Cuz ya starting ta piss me off."

"Ha! As if you could take me down. Listen, mutt, we have all seen what happens when you attack your master: You end up on the floor, tail between your legs while whimpering pathetically." The young brunette smirked.

The offended boy growled, leaping at the CEO.


See? That was easy wasn't it? All this from the top of my head. I also used a metaphor with the whole dog thing. Instead of using their names over and over again, I skipped out on the last two sentences. You already know that Joey is going to respond, so why would I say his name after it. Unless they do an action or change their expression, their name is not needed. As you can see, Seto smirked, knowing that Joey would get all riled up, which is why I added 'the young brunette smirked'.

Using their occupation in place of their name is also good. For Seto, it is the CEO. Hair color, eye color, their current mood, and whether or not they are taller or older than the one they are currently having a conversation with are all name replacers.

Joey and Seto: I could've of put 'The shorter boy growled' instead of 'the offended boy', but the latter sounds better with the situation.

Seto and Mokuba: 'The older boy smiled slightly at his younger brother.' Or 'The brunette ruffled the young boy's hair.'

Ryou and Bakura: 'Soft chocolate eyes stared into sharper, more deadly ones'. I used Ryou and Bakura for the eyes, since they have the same color. Yami and Yugi wouldn't have worked since Yugi has violet eyes, and Yami amethyst. Malik and Marik might've worked, since as far as I'm concerned, they both have lavender eyes.

Try to be as decriptive as you can. If a bird flew past, add that in! Don't be too descriptive, though. When talking about their apperance, you don't have to go as far as their DNA, or which hairstrand is longer than all of the others. We don't care about that. But, if they have a mole under their right eye, you can tell us, especially if the character is your own character. Since half of us can't draw, we need to have the reader know what the character looks like.

Synonyms are the way of the future. Just don't use words that no one understands. But, if you feel compelled to do so, tell us what the word means in parenthesis next ot the word. I remember reading a story with Seto and Joey (Go figure). Seto was insulting Joey with words I had never even heard of. I needed a dictionary to understand half of those words.

Hard to believe that me whining about being a beta turned out to be a guide to writing. If you knew how old I was, you would be surprised. I can't even believe that I wrote this. I'm only a teenager. Wow.

Sonic Advance 3 pt 2

I still hate Ocean Base, but I beat it. In fact, I'm at zone 5 Twinkle Snow.

Ocean Base act 3 seemed the easiest of the Ocean Base Acts. It isn't that hard. I forgot how to beat the boss, and I am not going to fight him again.

Toy Kingdom. I like this place. I found the acts easy, but hey that's just me. The boss is not that hard. You have to knock him over the edge while avoiding that robot guy and 4 toy soldiers that shoot rubber balls at you. Simple, right?

Twinkle Snow. Not a bad place, but you just want to kill the boss. You can't hit Robotnik/Eggman in this one. Instead, you must jump on plaforms that fall the minute you jump off of them or else they fall if you are on them for two long. Not only this, but you also have to avoid Eggman's weapon that shoots straight out to where ever you are at the current moment. I strongly suggest getting more lives before you tackle this guy. The more you go up against him, the more you have an idea of what to do at each point.